4. For question #2, what did you do differently from the original post? Please outline, explain and justify what you changed & why. Essentially, what did you learn from this new topic and what did you change and why? (8 Marks)
What I did differently was improve clarity by using simpler and more direct language
I removed complex phrases and replaced them with shorter and clearer sentences. I also tried to avoid over-explaining stuff.
Example, the original blog
“Why Choose Us?
- Handmade with Love – Each candle is crafted with love and care, with the use of high-quality, eco-friendly ingredients for all my eco-conscious people out their
Long-Lasting & Clean Burning – Made with natural wax blends for a long-lasting scent and clean burning, each candles are made from
- premium natural wax that is infused with fragrances that bring you comfort and joy
- Scents That Tell a Story – From calming vanilla scent to energizing lavender, each fragrance is designed to match your mood and cater to your needs.”
Example of the revised plain English
“Hand carted with Love and Care
Every candle that we create is
- Handcrafted with love and attention to detail
- Made with eco-friendly ingredients
- Infuse with long-lasting scents made to help transform your home.”
The short version delivers the same message but faster, and readers will be able to understand the message instantly, without adding unnecessary information
What I learned from this is that the simpler the sentence or paragraph is, the clearer the message will be.
How I increased conciseness
I eliminated the use of redundant words and used bullet points instead of a long paragraph
Example of the original blog post
“Transform your space with handcrafted scented candles made with love designed to bring warmth and relaxation, to your everyday life. At Sheniqua Scented Candles, we don’t just create any candles we create more our candles are handcrafted and are designed to fill your space with relaxation, warmth and of course,e elegance.”
Vs the revised
“Besides proving your space with amazing fragrance
- Our candle helps to set the mood, whether it is for self-care relaxation or romance
- Bring back memories, we create candles that help create a sense of nostalgia, taking you back to your favourite memory
- And help you create an inviting home, instantly make any room feel warm, cozy and welcoming.”
The reason why this is better is because it is more engaging and visually appealing. It makes it easier for readers to scan, and each bullet point is a quick takeaway.
What I learned from this is that less is =equal to more
In order to enhance readability, I added a larger heading and subheading and made use of bold keywords to highlight the important points
Original
Why Choose Us?
- Handmade with Love – Each candle is crafted with love and care, with the use of high-quality, eco-friendly ingredients for all my eco-conscious people out their
- Long-Lasting & Clean Burning – Made with natural wax blends for a long-lasting scent and clean burning, each candles are made from premium natural wax that is infused with fragrances that bring you comfort and joy
- Scents That Tell a Story – From calming vanilla scent to energizing lavender, each fragrance is designed to match your mood and cater to your needs.
Mission Statement
Our mission is to create high-quality and handcrafted candles that will bring relaxation and joy to your home while at the same time promoting self-care and a sense of calmness.
Values
- Quality – by using the best ingredients for long-lasting candles
- Creativity – for every scented candle that is made, there is a story behind
- Sustainability – candles are made with eco-friendly material that helps to improve the planet
- Community – At Shaniqua Scented Candles we aim to create candles that help people to connect with a special moment in life
Vs revive
Our candles are more than just a candle
Besides proving your space with amazing fragrance
- Our candle helps to set the mood, whether it is for self-care relaxation or romance
- Bring back memories, we create candles that help create a sense of nostalgia, taking you back to your favourite memory
- And help you create an inviting home, instantly make any room feel warm, cozy and welcoming.
What We deliver
Being part of the Flicker fam, you will get
- Exclusive first looks of our new scents
- Special discount and promotion
- Professional tip on how to get the best experience from our candles
With the revised version, readers are able to scan and not read this format, which will make the key information stand out immediately, and it also helps to improve the reader experience and keep their attention longer
What I learned is that people scan, so it’s better to make content that is easy to navigate.
